setelah berhari2 terkena "indikasi dbd" akhirnya aku mencoba bangkit dr keterpurukan dan kekurangan tenaga. yah, penyakit kalo nda d lawan, makin meraja lela. lelah rasanya d ambil darah 2 kali. liat leukosit yg di bawah rata2, trombosit yg udah mw jatuh, tubuh kekurangan cairan, dan darah yg mengental hampir 50% kadar kekentalan... well, it's almost kill me.

dan di waktu fit menulis (tengah malam), terpikirlah untuk menulis semua ttg kehidupan akhir-akhir ini.

walopun kemarin sempat terpikir buat diobname. karena berfikir, rasanya menyenangkan menjadikan obname sebagai tameng. hehhe. well, cm mw lari dr kepenatan. kepenatan akan tanggung jawab, kepenatan atas tanggung jawab thdp diri sendiri, kepenatan dari semua masalah, kepenatan gara2 ulang tahun (I'll tell u later), kepenatan terhadap ambisi, dll.

problem:
1. kadang2 aku merasa too many responsibility on my shoulder. Dan org2 hanya melemparkan tanggung jawab2 itu. and go... lelah rasanya punya banyak waktu untuk hal lain, dan diri sendiri terabaikan. bukan berarti nda iklas. tp, it will be much better at least jika si pelempar2 tanggung jawab memberi sedikit dorongan. bukan tuntutan.

2. ambition. dulu aku selalu menghargai semua org yang berambisi dan (beruntung) sukses. Karena aku nga punya ambisi sama sekali (dulu). Dan sekarang, saat aku belajar untuk berambisi. sometimes, too many pressure from my self saat semuanya tidak sesuai keinginan si ambisi. dan setiap saat dorongan untuk push the limit terlalu melelahkan. Saya lelah terhadap diri sendiri. Tp, Iam nothing without this. and everybody does.

3. I work too hard for everybody around me. and forget my self. aku bahkan di cap sebagai "work a holic" yg menenteng2 buku2 persiapan karya tulis saat konfoi lebaran. bawa buku biology sambil latihan debat, etc. Dan penyakitkupun dtg gara2 i work too hard.

4. kadang2 delusi nga bisa di jadikan target in the real life. the delusion is to good to be true. and happened twice in my b'day. while you are expect someone more. and he could not give what u want. the b'day became nightmare.

5. there is so many reason to doubt him. and so many reason to stay. that's confusing. besides, i dont want to waste my time with other, and start all over again. it's wasting (at least now).

Reason why i stay:
1. i really thanks to my dad. for all that he have. and he could make everything come true. one of the biggest reason why i work this hard is for my dad. because he's the way much better than i do. and what a shame if at least i can't be in some position with him. he have giving everything i want since the day i was born. and sometimes i feel nothing because he gives too much. and everybody says that he loves me better than others. that i can't explain one by one how much he loves me. and the worst case, i can't give anything to him.

2. and alos another part of my fams. as my shining lights. well they also the reason why i work hard too. but, iam not so communicative. so, i never show them how much they inspired me.

solution:
1. satu2nya yg terlintas adalah. aku butuh seseorang. (biasa siapa saja). yg bisa jadi api. buat bakar semangat scr berkala. yg buat aku semangat. krn aku mw sedikit menjadi org yg egois. bkn menjadi penyemangat, tp d semangati. aku benar2 butuh itu. is there anyone???
aku pny banyk buku motifasi yg tergeletak di tempat tidur. tp, my passion nga mw bangkit cm dgn buku2 itu. if you ask why, i dunno.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain
that's why i named my future daughter with: guzel iubrie cielo (beauty, love, heaven). hahah. no connection at all with those quote.

another quote.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss

Label: ambition, family, future, life, love, passion, sick

setelah berhari2 terkena "indikasi dbd" akhirnya aku mencoba bangkit dr keterpurukan dan kekurangan tenaga. yah, penyakit kalo nda d lawan, makin meraja lela. lelah rasanya d ambil darah 2 kali. liat leukosit yg di bawah rata2, trombosit yg udah mw jatuh, tubuh kekurangan cairan, dan darah yg mengental hampir 50% kadar kekentalan... well, it's almost kill me.

dan di waktu fit menulis (tengah malam), terpikirlah untuk menulis semua ttg kehidupan akhir-akhir ini.

walopun kemarin sempat terpikir buat diobname. karena berfikir, rasanya menyenangkan menjadikan obname sebagai tameng. hehhe. well, cm mw lari dr kepenatan. kepenatan akan tanggung jawab, kepenatan atas tanggung jawab thdp diri sendiri, kepenatan dari semua masalah, kepenatan gara2 ulang tahun (I'll tell u later), kepenatan terhadap ambisi, dll.

problem:
1. kadang2 aku merasa too many responsibility on my shoulder. Dan org2 hanya melemparkan tanggung jawab2 itu. and go... lelah rasanya punya banyak waktu untuk hal lain, dan diri sendiri terabaikan. bukan berarti nda iklas. tp, it will be much better at least jika si pelempar2 tanggung jawab memberi sedikit dorongan. bukan tuntutan.

2. ambition. dulu aku selalu menghargai semua org yang berambisi dan (beruntung) sukses. Karena aku nga punya ambisi sama sekali (dulu). Dan sekarang, saat aku belajar untuk berambisi. sometimes, too many pressure from my self saat semuanya tidak sesuai keinginan si ambisi. dan setiap saat dorongan untuk push the limit terlalu melelahkan. Saya lelah terhadap diri sendiri. Tp, Iam nothing without this. and everybody does.

3. I work too hard for everybody around me. and forget my self. aku bahkan di cap sebagai "work a holic" yg menenteng2 buku2 persiapan karya tulis saat konfoi lebaran. bawa buku biology sambil latihan debat, etc. Dan penyakitkupun dtg gara2 i work too hard.

4. kadang2 delusi nga bisa di jadikan target in the real life. the delusion is to good to be true. and happened twice in my b'day. while you are expect someone more. and he could not give what u want. the b'day became nightmare.

5. there is so many reason to doubt him. and so many reason to stay. that's confusing. besides, i dont want to waste my time with other, and start all over again. it's wasting (at least now).

Reason why i stay:
1. i really thanks to my dad. for all that he have. and he could make everything come true. one of the biggest reason why i work this hard is for my dad. because he's the way much better than i do. and what a shame if at least i can't be in some position with him. he have giving everything i want since the day i was born. and sometimes i feel nothing because he gives too much. and everybody says that he loves me better than others. that i can't explain one by one how much he loves me. and the worst case, i can't give anything to him.

2. and alos another part of my fams. as my shining lights. well they also the reason why i work hard too. but, iam not so communicative. so, i never show them how much they inspired me.

solution:
1. satu2nya yg terlintas adalah. aku butuh seseorang. (biasa siapa saja). yg bisa jadi api. buat bakar semangat scr berkala. yg buat aku semangat. krn aku mw sedikit menjadi org yg egois. bkn menjadi penyemangat, tp d semangati. aku benar2 butuh itu. is there anyone???
aku pny banyk buku motifasi yg tergeletak di tempat tidur. tp, my passion nga mw bangkit cm dgn buku2 itu. if you ask why, i dunno.

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain
that's why i named my future daughter with: guzel iubrie cielo (beauty, love, heaven). hahah. no connection at all with those quote.

another quote.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss

Label: ambition, family, future, life, love, passion, sick